Grow Whole

“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.”

e.e. cummings

Last month I bruised a rib. I went for a sail on a gusty Friday evening to celebrate the end of the work week. A strong gust dumped me, flipping the boat with “her” sail filling with water in the choppy waves. The dagger board was horizontal to the surface . I quietly dreaded this happening. Last time I was in this situation it was playful. I was 16 years old. In July 2022, I’m noticeably four times that age with all that goes with that. I took a breath, maneuvered the boat dead into the wind. I needed to right the boat before it went mast straight down “turtled”. To do this, I put all my weight on the dagger board (a kind of centerboard for small sailboats) and pulled hard – really hard. It worked! As the wet sail flapped in the wind and I flopped onto the boat, cheers erupted from the folks at a cottage across the lake celebrating my triumph!

Visiting with friends that night I was buoyant with confidence. I did it. The next night I couldn’t sleep on my right side. Deep breaths were accomanied by low groans of pain. For the whole of the next week that small and deep bruise interrupted everything. It made me grumpy and not the best company. Now, weeks later, I’m unable to conjure the sensation of that pain. It and the bruise are gone.

I did not doubt, even as I complained, that my body would recover to its pain-free state. My frustration, like the bruise itself, would be temporary.

Unfortunately, the deep wounds from Childhood Sexual Abuse are not as predictable. The recovery not brief and certain. And the secrecy and shame means there aren’t people cheering every healing triumph.

Please know that I am cheering you along the recovery path. As long as it takes, I will cheer for every step toward wholeness.

• What steps will you take today toward wholeness?
• Who can support you and celebrate each inch of recovery?
• Take time to notice the distance you have come toward wholeness. Appreciate the courage and strength it takes to “right the boat” of your life.